A CAVE Story Unabriged
by BlueRetroPenguin
Summary: For all of you who were baffled by how bland the Cave story dialouge was not the plot we have spiced this cave story up. This is a collaboration with authors BlueRetroPenguin and Lunara the Ara using Cave Story. Enjoy, or perish. Very, Eh-hem, Wordy
1. A Transmission

**AN: This was not written by myself only. This was a collaboration between myself and the wonderfully talented Lunara the Ara. For any audience members out there that my find this offensive, please leave a review of your reasons of injustice and a phone number to call in case you sue. (ha, bad cave story pun) We will use the flames to bake anchovie pizzas and have them sent to your house. Thank you.**

A Transimsion...

OMG SUEE! TALK TO ME ALREEADY! PLEASE SUE! I'll.. I'll... I'll eat a cockroach if you pick up. Or Ill make you eat a cockroach. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

Sometime later: SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEEE!  
More time Later: SUUUUUEE! OH DOUBLE-M GGGGG!  
More time later: You know that time I put bugs in your bed when you were asleep. Well I'm sorry about that. Or maybe that time I read your diary. I know you're a very dirty little girl

About time for him to go insane: DAMN IT, ANSWER BITCH! OR I'LL BURN YOUR DIARY WHICH I HAVE RIGHT HERE, IN MY HANDS, READING ABOUT THE TIME YOU TRIED TO DESTROY MY TELESCOPE.  
...Just answer already...  
Meanwhile: A guy who looks a lot like Ash Ketchum sat up from hearing the commotion. Strange how this guy could hear things coming from his headphone whats-it's on the sides of his RATHER LARGE HEAD. IN CAPS, BITCH.  
"SUUUUUEEEEEEE! ANSWER MEEEE YA LITTLE ASS! I HAVE YOUR DIARY AND I'LL TELL MOOOOM!"  
Shut UP. He thought, turning the volume down on his headphone-whats-its. GOD.  
And so our Rather-Large-Headed Hero stumbled out of the cave, beginning to notice his amnesia, which was probably due to his large hangover. "What the- where the hell am?" I he thought to himself. So in his daze he stumbled to the left instead of the right, which showed just how stoned he was (because everyone knows video game players never start a game going left. Duh) And then he fell off a ledge, and landed in some ever so conveniently place spikes, and blew up in a spectacular and dramatic explosion. GAME OVER. THE END.  
AN CONTRAIRE, MY FRIEND.  
Our hero appeared in the FIRST CAVE again, and again could hear A TRANSMISSION... " SUE, I swear to god if you dont pick up I will burn each and ever one of your Barbie Dolls, and mabye even your panties while im at it. Yeah I went there. NOW YOU BETTER PICK UP YOU SLUT!  
Our RLHH sighed and turned down the volume again, and walked out of the cave, having lost his hangover from his DRAMATIC DEATH. "WHO THE HELL LEAVES OUT DEADLY SPIKES IN A FREAKING CAVE" He yell. "Someone needs to clean up around here." So he jumped around etc etc. until he went into HOBO JOES SHACK and as the criminal robot he was made to be, stole the gun and... Left. WTF? NO KILLING? NO SHOT TO THE HEAD! NOTHING YOURE A KILLER ROBOT FOR CRIPES SAKE!  
But no, he decided to waste some of the cute bats and Cricketts instead. Loser.  
A transmission... "Sue... I think im hearing things. I think I hear something... someone... yelling about... spikes and... killer robots... and... OH NO! CUTE BATS! SUE SAVE ME! THERE ARE CUTE BATS!"

End transmission.


	2. Cute bats and Chastity Belts

**AN: Yes we continued. I'm sorry for the inconvenience.**

He murdered the innocent bats and shot some pretty purple starry blocks. Wait what the fuck?  
Anyway, our RLHH encountered a door. It looked just like an ordinary door. That is, until IT OPENED IT'S EYE.  
"AHH! IT'S THE APOCOLYPSE! THE CYCLOPS DOOR APOCOLYPSE IS COOOMMIIINNNG!" He ran into a wall during his running, and fell over face-up. Dazed, the red-capped Pokémon trainer stared at a creepy blue thing.  
Wait...  
"Hi! My name is Harold! I'm a-" The poor thing didn't get to finish its sentence before it was MURDERED.  
Sighing, our RLHH walked up to the door and shot it. Blood spurted out of it. "OMGWTFBBQ!" He squealed, shooting at it a few more times before it blew up, sending him toppling to the ground, on top of Harold's corpse.

So he after he murdered a door, he went in naturally. Though it was actually one of those trap doors that have nothing on the other side but a steep cliff. Cliché', right? So a normal human would do this: "WTF THE DOOR HAD AN EYE AND NOW ITS NOT EVEN A DOOOOOOOOOOR ITS A CLIFF OMG!" as he (or she for all you sexist floks out there) as they fell to their untimely death, splattering on the grou- I'll just stop here.  
Not RaLHF(ForceBot). He fell silently like a ninja, arms spread, and... checked the time in his watch/deathray/laser/timemachine/mirror/stopwatch/facetime/facebook/clounge dispenser. Once he freshened himself up, he landed right in the middle a heated argument.

FIVE MINUTE FLASHBACK: King "Give me the key Tokoro",

Tokoro "NOO!",

"GIVE IT TO ME NOW!",

"I SAID NO!"  
"TOKORO, YOU WILL GIVE ME THAT KEY OR I WILL RIP THAT CHASTITY BELT OFF PERSONALLY",

"I AM A VIRGIN!"  
"NOT AFTER IM THROUGH WITH YOU" he said and came toward her just as RaLHF landed between them. "OMG YOURE GOING TO RAPE ME TOO ARENT YOU! RAPE!" She yelled as she ran away. King grabbed RaLHF by the collar and said " I don't know who you are, but Tokoros virginity is mine." RaLFH took out the Polar Star and pointed it straight at Kings face and glared at him. King let go and said "Fine, you can have her, but don't know why you would even want a broad like that. She not your type. And you're going to have to find the key to that belt, Haha." RaLHF just walked away LIKE A BOSS.  
Aaaand fell off a cliff into a small pool of water.  
Almost dying of shock, RaLHF ran out of the water (Which was only about knee-deep), into some random-ass room, and into more water (Which was now way above his head). He ran further in, oblivious to the fact that he was ten feet underwater, and saw something shiny.  
"SHIIIINNNYYYYY~!" RaLHF gurgled, grabbing the sparkly thing.  
It was a necklace. A fish-shaped necklace.  
Wow. Just wow.

And then he died because he didnt get out of the water. THE END


	3. For Lack of a Better Name

PSYCH!

"I forgot to save. Fuck it." (read chapter 1 again but skip death two)  
Ok so this time he got out! YAY! He got out this time and whipped his hair in one of those movie star fashions and caught Tokoro stalking him. She blushed in a very cute fashion ran off, beckoning him with her finger/stub/paw as she left. At this point RaLFH was at least slightly turned on and intrigued. So made his way to her house and went in and found... no one. SO he walked it and was quickly tackled by a horny Tokoro. "Oh, you horny bitch" RaHLF said and  
... *ONE VERY HOT MAKE OUT SCENE LATER* He pulled at her pants to find... the chastity belt. "Oh Im sorry, i lost the key in the cemetery when I was... ummm... gardening. Gardening the mushrooms. Yeah..." and at that point BALROG broke through the door and Misery appeared in the air with a video camera. "I'm sorry to break up such a lovely porno, but we have to wrap this up. I see that you have potential. You're coming with me Sue." And RaLHF stood there and did absolutely nothing as his newest love interest was taken away by bubble. Then Misery said "Balrog, get the tissues and clean up this mess. Oh and RaLHF, this footage is going on Youtube once I'm done with Sue myself. See you on the web" She said and disappeared. He had managed to keep his cool through all of this but once BALFOG said "Who would be turned on by that little thing (Burrrrrn)" it was Ass Kicking Time (1:07 actually) "Fuck. You." RaLHF said. And Balrog was over.  
He grumbled to himself as he kicked the door down, and stormed out. King walked up to him.  
"Hey, why do I smell... OH MY FUCKING GAWD YOU TOOK HER VIRGINITY DIDN'T YOU."  
"Maaaaayybee." Then RaLHF ran off, with King chasing him with his sword; shouting so many curse words I will not list them because I'm too lazy.  
Anyway...  
RaLHF (Rather Large Headed Forbot) climbed up a cliff and saw a HUGE ball of fluff.  
It was a Mimiga. A very fat one.  
"Hey." He rumbled, staring at RaLHF through his thick eyebrows. "Have I seen you before? Weren't you on that Pokémon show?"

Needless to say he didn't last very long.


End file.
